They say that if you want to write, write what you know. But what if what I know isn’t interesting enough? I guess whether or not it’s interesting enough doesn’t really matter, just as long as what I know is true. So, what do I know?
I know the Ukrainian culture; I know the Ukrainian Catholic faith. I know what it’s like to be unpopular, teased, and bullied. I know what it’s like to be a bully. I know what it’s like to feel like everything I’m doing is wrong. I know what it’s like to finally get something right. I know what it’s like to be a part of a community and not feel like I’m a part of it at all. I know what it’s like to find those rare moments of true acceptance and peace. I know what it’s like to feel like I’m everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I know about expectations and how it feels to come short of them and how it feels to exceed them. I know about pride and not wanting to ask for help. I know about letting go of pride and asking for help and how important that is. I know about the power of breath and energy and that they are real and necessary. I know about impulses and how stifling it feels to ignore them, and, also, how liberating it is to give in to them. I know what it feels like to think my oldest friends don’t understand me anymore. I know what it feels like to say good bye and how important it is to say hello in the first place. I know what regret feels like and I know I don’t like regret. I know how hard it is to take risks, but when I do, it can be the most rewarding feeling to leap off that edge. As long as I don’t fall flat on my face. But if I do fall flat on my face, I know that that the scrapes will heal and the scars will fade, and sooner or later I will start feeling normal again. If not, reconstructive surgery is always a possibility. I know that I have gifts that nobody else possesses, and that others have gifts that I don’t possess. And that’s how it should be. You can’t do everything, so you might as well do what you like. I know how to polka and the thrill of spinning around so fast that everything’s a blur. I know what it feels like when my favourite sports team wins the biggest game of the season and what it feels like when they lose. I know what bad days feel like and what good days feel like. And I know that it takes very little to change the day from one to the other and that is both a curse and a blessing. I know the joy of hearing my favourite song come on the radio and singing along at the top of my lungs while the people in neighbouring cars probably think I’m a lunatic. I know what it feels like to finally realize that I can do anything I want and how hard it is when someone tells me they don’t think it’s possible. But I know it is possible. Only when we think something is impossible is something impossible. Thought is power, so to succeed you have to think positively. And I know how hard it is to think positively all the time. If, however, we strive to think at least one positive thought a day, even if the day completely feels like shit, we will be that closer to a good day, a good month, a good year, a good life. I know what it’s like to worry and I know that it isn’t necessary; it’s inevitable, but it isn’t necessary, and the more we let go of our worries, the sooner we can learn to live that good day, month, year, life.
I know what it’s like to feel like a hypocrite, especially as I write these words. But I am human and being human means living in a constant paradox of how I feel and how I think I should feel. And I know that it’s usually better to just feel how I feel and not think about it. The world is full of endless possibilities and experiences and it’s up to all of us to go forth and explore them and hope for the best. For things find a way of working themselves out eventually, one way or another.